And On to the Next: Threesomes Aren't Always Fun

I got a text message from my home girl Candy, inviting me over to her house Saturday night for drinks with friends. Although I'd told myself that I was refusing to ask James to hang out with me again since he blew me off the first time, I broke my own rule and shot him a text, letting him know about the gathering and asked if he was down. He texted me back saying that he may have people in town this weekend, but swore to me that we'd see one another soon. I erased his number. Again. Hopefully this time he'll stay gone. And if he does contact me again, next time around I'd simply not respond.

Its not that I'm pissed at him for having plans. Quite the contrary, I could care less. I think there may even be another woman in the picture that he's not telling me about. Again, I don't care. The problem is that clearly he understands that to me, spending time is important, which is why he keeps promising to see me, but then doesn't come through. Not cool. If he text me again (and I'm thinking he will) he won't get a response.

I went to Outward last night. Of course SG was there. We flirted and all, he talked shit, same old same. Candy and I saw one another and kicked it briefly. I also saw Champion, a well known DJ and host in the city. He and I have known each other for some years now, but lately we've been promising that we'd eventually hang out. He saw some cute chick in a short dress and announced to his boy that the super prissy girls are the worst fucks. I asked him looking at me how he imagined I'd be. He looked me square in the eye and told me that he'd already bent me over in his mind several times and had me doing all kinds of wild shit. I told him that truthfully I'd mind-humped him too. I asked if he wanted to come to Candy's with me on Saturday. He agreed. No, I'm not planning to get it in with him (not now at least) but I've always wondered what it was like to hang out with him just as friends outside of the club scene. I guess I'll know soon.

As the club closed, I went inside to find a friend of mine. Suddenly I was stopped by some dude that told me that his boy wanted to holler. I was skeptical. I guess it's my ptsd from a miserable childhood popping up, but I thought it was a cruel game that boys used to play. They'd find the ugliest girls and say that their boy wanted to talk to her. I thought he picked me because he thought I looked bad. Apparently, the opposite was the case. His friend's name was Jordan. We talked and chuckled a little and found out that he's a gemini. Lord only knows how this is gonna go. My last experience with a gemini didn't exactly end well. The bad/good thing about geminis is that they're charming as hell so I anticipate a lot of good conversation and if things go well, amazing sex. Yeah, geminis are known for being a little freaky too.

On a different note, some of my female friends aren't fairing as well in their dating lives. My best friend Audrey separated from her husband nearly six months ago and she's surprised to find that the dating game is so full of shit. I warned her when she first told me a few years back that she wanted to leave her husband that the game is crazy. I'm in my mid 30's and I'm only recently realizing that the moment you show a man you love him, he's out the door. So you have to play them the same damn way they play you. Only for me, it's not an act. I've been played so hard by so many dudes that I'm not bullshitting when I tell them to beat it. I've learned to not get attached. It's the only way to maintain control in the situation. Like a friend recently said to me, the person who cares the least is the person that controls the relationship.

Unfortunately, Audrey's dating woes are worsened by the fact that she lives so far out of the city and she's severely overweight. I've known her so long and I love her so much that truthfully I forget that her weight is an issue. It's frustrating because I know that if more people knew her the way I do, they'd love her just as much. And another issue for her is that for a while she'd felt that she was bisexual, she has since found that she is an all out lesbian. Finding other lesbians in the outskirts of the city isn't exactly easy. Compound it with the fact that she doesn't drive and you've got problems.

So anyway, she took to Craigslist recently to find a friend to kick it with. She ended up with some crazy bitch named Cupcake. I saw the chick being a problem from day one. But Audrey was smitten so all I could do was respect it for what it was and hope for the best. Of course, being that I've seen the game for a while, I knew the signs to a bad relationship, so unfortunately, 5 weeks in, Cupcake broke Audrey's heart. I urged Audrey to fall back and not try to rush into something else. She did anyway. That chick played her to the left too.

I'd hooked Audrey up with my friend Rico, but he dislocated his shoulder, so he wasn't able to get it in with her when they scheduled it. Rico also lives with his girl, making their scheduling harder. Anyway, Audrey missed sex, so she took up some married friends of hers on an offer for a threesome.

She said that they slammed her face down in their laps, held her arms back and made her do stuff, and even forced her to put her finger in dudes ass while he fucked his wife. I have to admit though, I've put my finger in two guys asses and it wasn't too bad. But still, yeah, if you weren't expecting it, I can see how that would freak you out.

Audrey told me that she felt like a paid whore. I explained to her that there wasn't much difference between a paid one and an unpaid one. That's when she said that paid whores often end up doing things that they'd much rather not do, while an unpaid whore can leave when she wants. Touche. I guess she told the married chick that she felt like a paid whore, so they offered her a few dollars for her trouble. Audrey declined. They insisted. Again, she declined. She got home a while later to discover that they'd slipped $150 into her purse. She felt even dirtier then. Being the good friend I am, I volunteered to drive right over there and take that money off her hands so that the whole thing could be out of sight and out of mind. Yeah, that's what kind of good friend I am. She decided to keep the money. Booo. Since then they've contacted her a few times to see if she wanted another round. She isn't even responding.

Another friend of mine recently told me that to compensate for the lack of penis in her own life, she bought a back massager from Wal-Mart that has parts and uses it to do what she needs to be done.

Its hard out there, y'all.

Keisha.