Thursday, June 30, 2011

And On to the Next: Threesomes Aren't Always Fun

I got a text message from my home girl Candy, inviting me over to her house Saturday night for drinks with friends. Although I'd told myself that I was refusing to ask James to hang out with me again since he blew me off the first time, I broke my own rule and shot him a text, letting him know about the gathering and asked if he was down. He texted me back saying that he may have people in town this weekend, but swore to me that we'd see one another soon. I erased his number. Again. Hopefully this time he'll stay gone. And if he does contact me again, next time around I'd simply not respond.

Its not that I'm pissed at him for having plans. Quite the contrary, I could care less. I think there may even be another woman in the picture that he's not telling me about. Again, I don't care. The problem is that clearly he understands that to me, spending time is important, which is why he keeps promising to see me, but then doesn't come through. Not cool. If he text me again (and I'm thinking he will) he won't get a response.

I went to Outward last night. Of course SG was there. We flirted and all, he talked shit, same old same. Candy and I saw one another and kicked it briefly. I also saw Champion, a well known DJ and host in the city. He and I have known each other for some years now, but lately we've been promising that we'd eventually hang out. He saw some cute chick in a short dress and announced to his boy that the super prissy girls are the worst fucks. I asked him looking at me how he imagined I'd be. He looked me square in the eye and told me that he'd already bent me over in his mind several times and had me doing all kinds of wild shit. I told him that truthfully I'd mind-humped him too. I asked if he wanted to come to Candy's with me on Saturday. He agreed. No, I'm not planning to get it in with him (not now at least) but I've always wondered what it was like to hang out with him just as friends outside of the club scene. I guess I'll know soon.

As the club closed, I went inside to find a friend of mine. Suddenly I was stopped by some dude that told me that his boy wanted to holler. I was skeptical. I guess it's my ptsd from a miserable childhood popping up, but I thought it was a cruel game that boys used to play. They'd find the ugliest girls and say that their boy wanted to talk to her. I thought he picked me because he thought I looked bad. Apparently, the opposite was the case. His friend's name was Jordan. We talked and chuckled a little and found out that he's a gemini. Lord only knows how this is gonna go. My last experience with a gemini didn't exactly end well. The bad/good thing about geminis is that they're charming as hell so I anticipate a lot of good conversation and if things go well, amazing sex. Yeah, geminis are known for being a little freaky too.

On a different note, some of my female friends aren't fairing as well in their dating lives. My best friend Audrey separated from her husband nearly six months ago and she's surprised to find that the dating game is so full of shit. I warned her when she first told me a few years back that she wanted to leave her husband that the game is crazy. I'm in my mid 30's and I'm only recently realizing that the moment you show a man you love him, he's out the door. So you have to play them the same damn way they play you. Only for me, it's not an act. I've been played so hard by so many dudes that I'm not bullshitting when I tell them to beat it. I've learned to not get attached. It's the only way to maintain control in the situation. Like a friend recently said to me, the person who cares the least is the person that controls the relationship.

Unfortunately, Audrey's dating woes are worsened by the fact that she lives so far out of the city and she's severely overweight. I've known her so long and I love her so much that truthfully I forget that her weight is an issue. It's frustrating because I know that if more people knew her the way I do, they'd love her just as much. And another issue for her is that for a while she'd felt that she was bisexual, she has since found that she is an all out lesbian. Finding other lesbians in the outskirts of the city isn't exactly easy. Compound it with the fact that she doesn't drive and you've got problems.

So anyway, she took to Craigslist recently to find a friend to kick it with. She ended up with some crazy bitch named Cupcake. I saw the chick being a problem from day one. But Audrey was smitten so all I could do was respect it for what it was and hope for the best. Of course, being that I've seen the game for a while, I knew the signs to a bad relationship, so unfortunately, 5 weeks in, Cupcake broke Audrey's heart. I urged Audrey to fall back and not try to rush into something else. She did anyway. That chick played her to the left too.

I'd hooked Audrey up with my friend Rico, but he dislocated his shoulder, so he wasn't able to get it in with her when they scheduled it. Rico also lives with his girl, making their scheduling harder. Anyway, Audrey missed sex, so she took up some married friends of hers on an offer for a threesome.

She said that they slammed her face down in their laps, held her arms back and made her do stuff, and even forced her to put her finger in dudes ass while he fucked his wife. I have to admit though, I've put my finger in two guys asses and it wasn't too bad. But still, yeah, if you weren't expecting it, I can see how that would freak you out.

Audrey told me that she felt like a paid whore. I explained to her that there wasn't much difference between a paid one and an unpaid one. That's when she said that paid whores often end up doing things that they'd much rather not do, while an unpaid whore can leave when she wants. Touche. I guess she told the married chick that she felt like a paid whore, so they offered her a few dollars for her trouble. Audrey declined. They insisted. Again, she declined. She got home a while later to discover that they'd slipped $150 into her purse. She felt even dirtier then. Being the good friend I am, I volunteered to drive right over there and take that money off her hands so that the whole thing could be out of sight and out of mind. Yeah, that's what kind of good friend I am. She decided to keep the money. Booo. Since then they've contacted her a few times to see if she wanted another round. She isn't even responding.

Another friend of mine recently told me that to compensate for the lack of penis in her own life, she bought a back massager from Wal-Mart that has parts and uses it to do what she needs to be done.

Its hard out there, y'all.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Another Day, Another Story

So I woke up yesterday and noticed that the Security Guard had accepted my Facebook friend request. I almost didn't expect it to happen after what happened at my favorite club, Outward, a while back.

I happen to be good friends with one of the bouncers at the club, Claude. He and I have often flirted with the idea of getting it on, but there always seemed like one obstacle or another. Our most recent obstacles were one, him getting a girlfriend and two, finding out that his girlfriend is best friends with my nemesis from some years back. I knew an icky situation in the making when I saw it, so I abandoned the thought of us having a rousing night together.

Anyway, the other night, I ran by Outward and stopped and talked with the Security Guard. I thought he was a hottie when we met, but he told me he was married so I abandoned the idea. A few weeks back he "casually" admitted that his marriage was on the rocks, and although we've flirted since then, we've maintained a respectful distance. I even initially decided against adding him as a Facebook friend because I didn't want any doors to an inappropriate relationship. I've been there before with a married man and I'm in no rush to do it again. Still that night at the club, I enjoyed our conversation. I went in briefly to dance and say hello to Claude. He stood over in the corner and we flirted and before I knew it, we were discreetly feeling one another up in the club. I asked if there was a back room to continue things and he said no.

After a while, I cooled down and went back outside to talk to the Security Guard. I can't lie. I really like him and although he's married now and I refuse to take things anywhere with him until he's single (and truthfully I don't think he'd do anything until he was single anyway) I could see there being a chance for us to be friends (and I mean that in the literal sense of the word "friends" not freaky sex partners, although truthfully, that wouldn't be too horrible...). He actually said to me that I have a high libido and I didn't know how to take it. I guess I like sex and I guess it could be said that I talk about it more than the average woman, but still to hear him say that was a tad strange to me. I ended up spending all night talking to SG and before I knew it, the club was closing.

A friend of mine came outside and asked for a ride up the street. I took him there, but I found myself going back to Outward. Truthfully I wanted to see and finish talking to SG, but I didn't want to look desperate, so I said that I was going in to talk to Claude instead. Long story short, he slowly pulled me to the back room. I asked if he had a condom and he said no, so we did other things instead. We got there and he kissed me long and hard before he undid my jeans and put his face down there. I layed down on a bench while he serviced me. Not too hard, not too soft. Nothing too magical, but it definitely hit the spot. I returned the favor. The whole time I did it he kept saying "it's been so long since anyone has sucked my dick." I asked him if his girlfriend did it and he said that she doesn't do that. I guess it's true what they say, "what you won't do for your man..."

Since it was so late and only a few people remained in the club cleaning up, he escorted me out the back door so we could avoid the glances. Unfortunately my car was now parked in the front of the club. I surely didn't expect what had just happened so when I parked it the second time around, I saw no reason not to park in front. But of course there stood SG talking to some other guys. I heard SG lean in to one of the other guys and say something along the lines of "you know what they just did." Fuck. It wasn't that I didn't want anyone to know, I mean seriously, this is a night club, not a church. I'm also a grown woman who has known Claude for some years so if I get freaky with him on occasion, whose business is it really?

But still, I hated for SG to think that about me. I wanted to leave open the window of moderately weird girl he knew from the club and flirted with at times to be datable. Now he'd seen me coming from the back of the club with another dude. I wanted to say that "it" wasn't the case, but I knew that if I'd made a production of it I'd just look guilty so I played dumb and stayed silent. I ended up standing around with the guys for a while and Claude stood across from me as if nothing was wrong. I followed his que.

I looked at SG's Facebook page and the first post was about how much his family means to him. I'm actually happy for him and despite that little tingle I have for him, I really hope his marriage works out. The next morning I told a few of my girls about my night and they agreed that my best bet would be to play it cool and if it ever pops up in conversation with SG, I'll just tell him that Claude and I only kissed and talked. It's not like I owe him an explanation though, he is married for God's sake.

In other news, I texted James (the dude from my birthday) and asked what he was going to do last night. I wasn't trying to link up with him, it was just a general question. After he stood me up before I told myself that we would not link up unless he was the one to suggest it. Anway, he responded with we couldn't that night and that he promised me we'd see eachother by the weekend, blah blah blah. I told him to cool his jets and that I wasn't suggesting we go out, it was just a general question. I don't even want him to think he's got me waiting like that. Because he doesn't.

And despite me unfriending TJ on Facebook (my homie in Philly) a while back, I sent him another friend request and he's since accepted. I'm not really planning to talk to him much until closer to my trip. And lord knows that when I talk to him, I plan to tell him what I want to do him... Ciao.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Beginning

Anyway, after hearing her talk about her horrific night, I knew it was time to take to the internet to share our stories. I guess I'll start with my recent birthday. It was a while ago and I got drunk off my ass for the first time in years and I met a guy named James. He was so sweet that he even offered to pay for my meal at Waffle House after we left the club, despite another friend of mine being willing to do so. We talked and chatted via text messaging and the occasional phone call and I pretty much decided that he was the man I was supposed to spend my life with. So imagine my surprise when he blew off our planned date a week later.

His blowing me off happened at a time when I was totally done with men giving me the shaft, so I erased his number. I could tell that he'd backed up tremendously, being that I'd had it happen more than once. I erased it so that I'd never have to be tempted to text him again. So imagine my surprise when he shot me a text message Monday like nothing ever happened. I was glad he texted me but standing me up has not been forgotten. Its the next day now and we've texted one another all day. I want to ask him when we'll finally get together, but I'm refusing to. He bailed on me once and I'm not walking into it again. The plan is to wait for him to mention it. If he doesn't suggest a date, we won't go out. And once I do see his ass face to face, I'm going to let him know that my time is too valuable for the games.

The odd thing is that I got another blast from the past surprise yesterday. An old friend, TJ hit me up after disappearing on me a couple of months ago. TJ is a friend of a friend of the family. No one else knows that he and I are planning to swap spit (and a couple more fluids) when I head up to Philadelphia next month. He, much like James disappeared on me. We chatted a few times on Facebook where we set a date to get it in the next time we meet up. TJ is a model and has the body and face of a Greek god. Every time I see a new modeling pic of him I'm tempted to lick the screen and change panties. But then suddenly, like so many other men, he was gone. Poof. That's it. No more. I couldn't figure out what happened, but like I've learned to do in circumstances like that, I severed the ties, unfriended him so I wouldn't be tempted to continue to stalk his page, and I moved on.

But then he up and shot me a message on FB. I knew this time around to play it cool. He asked how I'd been. I wanted to ask what the hell happened, but I simply responded with short and sweet answers. He never explained his absence, but he did tell me that there was never beef on his end and that we were still cool. Keisha ain't stupid. He was hitting me up to make sure that we're still fucking when I come up later this summer. Damn right we are, but I can't let him know that yet so I'm continuing to keep things casual and short.

So then also today, I got yet ANOTHER guy that had blown me off. This dude, Tim, had actually blown me off of three separate dates. Our first was supposed to be lunch at a sushi restaurant, when he hit me that day and told me it wasn't happening. We pushed it back another week. He missed that one too. He promised me brunch the next day. I told myself that I wasn't going to get out of my pajamas until I heard something from him. The asshole hit me at 1 p.m. and said that he'd overslept. Bastard. He apologized profusely. I told him that it was cool, and we could be friends, but I wouldn't be taking out the time to set a date with him again.

Tim texted me and apologized again and said that he realized that he fucked up heavily and that he misses me. He said that he wants to make it up to me and that he wants to meet with me tomorrow. I thought about it and told him that I had to work. Okay, yeah it was a lie, but after he stood me up 3 times in a row there was no way in hell I was about to squeeze his ass in. He told me that he understood and that he'd be waiting if I was ever willing to give him another shot.

I have to admit, this is empowering. Three dudes that had blown me off previously are now ready to fall in line and all within a couple of days. Awesome. The crazy thing is that being blown off has taught me the game. I've been played enough that I now know not to make myself too desperate or needy. I have to be willing to walk away and not look back and let them know that I mean business. Even the dude that I have every intention of fucking is still gonna be dealt with in a cool manner until I'm ready show him what I intend to do to him. Lucky bastard for being fine as hell. The only reason he's still in there is that he's a certified 10. If he were an 8 or below, I'd make his ass go to the back of the line.

Okay kiddies, time for bed now. I'll fill you in with the details of my night at the club a few weeks ago and share the dirt on Audrey's threesome. Until then.