Monday, September 5, 2011

Single Again

So Chris and I are over. And this time I mean over. I've said it to my homegirls again, but the end is here. I hate that I didn't walk away while things were remotely good and without insults and hurt feelings. The long and short of it is that he wanted to make time for screwing, but nothing else. I'm all for fucking, but if it's going to be fucking, let it just be that. Don't expect me to be monogamous if you're not going to take out the time to take me out every now and again. He kept saying that we were more than just sex, but frankly I've spent 5 years with my ex being treated like his whore and I don't think that I'm asking too much for a man to take me out on the town (or out for a simple meal) every now and again.

Truthfully I'd tried to break things off two times before now. I wish I'd just been firm and left it then. But I got sucked back in. I think his ego wouldn't allow me, that broke chick, to leave him.I also think he liked me. I know he did. I shouldn't have allowed him liking me to be what kept me around. Hell, a lot of dudes like me, I've never had a problem leaving them in the dirt.

I'm hurt. It's only been two months. I think it's symbolic that he and I ended things around Labor Day. He was only meant to be a summertime fling. Truthfully, I think we should have only kicked it on night number one and left things alone then. I've got not hard feelings against him. I just hate that we squeezed the happiness out of a potential friendship.

I wish I could talk to Candy about the whole thing, but its kind of raw between us in terms of him. Apparently she was okay with us kicking it for a night, but I think us continuing to deal with one another longer than that weirded her out. I think that dating him also put a bit of a strain on our friendship. I was able to tell her about my upcoming trip to DC to hang with TJ. It was the first time I've been able to have girl talk with her about men in months. I'd missed it.

So yeah, TJ is back on the table. He's still in Philly. He told me that he's ready to hang with me whenever I get up there. He's already told me that he'll cover my hotel and take me out when I get there. How funny is it that I begged Chris for 2 solid months to take me out just one time, and here a guy in another town is okay with making me feel good on what will be our first time hanging out solo.

I think that TJ is just what I need right now. He's fine as hell, sweet and smart. I also love that he's far away. Being so far away, we could never be anything, which I love. All we can do is kiss, embrace, laugh, and part. When I met Chris, he and I weren't supposed to progress. Now I can have with TJ what Chris and I should have been. I miss Chris though.

On another note, Audrey is still doing her thing. She's still with Pastry. I still don't like Pastry. Christy recently told me that she's finally moving on with her life and allowing herself to date a new guy. Dude even went and got her a $500 gift card for Children's Place so she could get something for the kids. Can't be mad at that.

I've noticed that a bunch of my homegirls are back on the market. So many of my seemingly happily married and coupled up friends are now single again. Around 7 women from different walks of life are now back out there after nearly 5 to 10 years of being in various stages and kinds of relationships, they're all dating and having to learn themselves and all of that all over again. I've decided that all of us need to get together to vent so I'm planning a Girl's Night Out for us. I'm leaning toward sometime in October. Okay, I'm going to end things on this note. I promise not to be gone so long next time.