Starting Over

Things are going well with Chris. We've hung together one more time since the night we met and I like him a lot. I'm still dealing with issues on my end regarding moving out from being with my ex, but those things will get dealt with in a matter of time.

Moving on, a while back during a birthday celebration of mine, two of my good friends hooked up, Angela and Brad. Angela is just getting out of a long, bad relationship and Brad has his own little set of issues he's dealing with, but overall, he's a great guy. She's also moving to New Orleans at the end of the month. I never would have thought to put the two together, but they seem to enjoy one another and I love them both, so more power to them.

Initially Angela would gush to me about how nice Brad was, but today was a bit different. She started saying that she feared that Brad may be moving too fast for her. I assured her that Brad has his own set of commitment phobia, so she had no need to fear that he would be trying to get serious any time soon. After a while, she relented and agreed that maybe the problem wasn't him, perhaps it was her.

She stated that she's just not used to a guy taking so much interest in her music career, offering her so much support, and even taking her out to eat. I reminded her that taking a woman out and supporting her is what a man is supposed to do. I told her that a man should make her feel protected, admired and adored and that she'd let the abusive relationships she'd had in the past cloud her judgement of how a man is supposed to act.

I shared a story of being in the car recently and hearing "A Woman's Worth" by Alicia Keys. Although I'd heard the song many times before, I'd never really taken the time to listen to the lyrics. I thought about the chorus and it was like a light bulb had come on.
"Cause a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth"
Alicia was on to something. A real man knew to please a woman. But a real woman has to know that she's a real woman and she deserves nothing but the best. Also, she would ride or die for her man, but only because he'd proven himself before they got to that level. How the hell had I missed that? I'd listened to the song to the point of being tired of it, but I'd never thought about the genius in it. Once a woman sees her own worth, so will the men that step to her. Angela had lost her worth along the way to the point where a guy who liked her the way she was nearly played to the left when his only crime was essentially giving her the love she'd never known to expect.

I encouraged Angela to spend some time meditating on the words "I deserve the best" and I hope she takes it to heart. It amazed me how many of my girlfriends have had to go through similar situations, myself included. We ended up with extreme assholes early on and somehow came to think that men are supposed to treat us like that. Men aren't supposed to bring us flowers and take us out, because that makes the man weak and it makes us women gold diggers and codependent. What a load of bullshit. Somehow they got us so turned around psychologically that we forget to love ourselves and expect the best. Well, Keisha ain't playing that shit anymore. The next man I love is going to prove himself a thousand times over before he earns my love in return. Hopefully beautiful friend Angela will eventually learn to feel the same way.

Keisha.